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The Golf of Mexico - Mission Script

SCENE 1

PLATYPUS:
(Grumble)

WICK:
Ah-hem…AH-HEM! Why, yes, thank you Platypus, this is a new suit. Anyway, I've called you here to unveil my latest ingenious plan…LIGHTS!

PLATYPUS:
(Mumbles)

WICK:
WHAT!? No, I didn't spell it wrong, you fool! It's golf! As in the game! You know, little ball, funny pants. Golf! I know how to spell. LIGHTS!

PLATYPUS:
("LIGHTS!")

WICK:
Yes, well, anyway, this plan was the result of months of research…

[Dissolve to WICK on the golf course]

WICK:
Head down…elbow… no bogie no bogie no bogie …oop

Argh! Whoever designed this course is a fool! My shot clearly went straight…

PLATYPUS:
("Ha!")

WICK:
…yet this course is so crooked! (PLATYPUS scoffs) Maybe that Tigger guy can make shots like these, but normal players like me don't stand a chance.

PLATYPUS:
("I'll say!") WICK:
What I need is a bigger course…the biggest course in the world! With more places to hit the ball. And no hills. And go-carts…

PLATYPUS:
(Thinks about go-karts and beating WICK at mini golf)

[Dissolve back to Board Room]

WICK: Hey! Platypus! Put that away! Er…yes, well, now…where was I? Ah yes, plans for world domination and ecological destruction. Lower the plan screen!

WICK:
With the help of my friends at the Federal Agency of Watery Management, or FAWM, I recently purchased the rights to build in a rectangular area on top the Gulf of Mexico. (PLATYPUS - hum?) Good price too. One guy even offered to throw in some bridge in Brooklyn!

PLATYPUS:
("Yeah, Right.")

WICK:
Anyway, we build a platform over my part of the Gulf and make my golf course. Let's be clear about two things, though. Number one: no hills on my course. They limit my mad driving skills…

PLATYPUS:
("Who's he kidding?")

Number two: my crack golf advisors tell me my shots go two general directions: right…or left. Regular courses cramp my…er…unique style. (PLATYPUS snickers) So on my course, each hole really has three pins. Three times the chance for a hole in one - oh, ho, the fools will love it!

PLATYPUS:
("Me, too.")

WICK:
Yeah…so…that's the master plan. I'll charge the fools, we'll rake in the dough, and my handicap will drop like a bad habit. Brilliant! Nothing makes my heart pound like ruining one of nature's miracles.

PLATYPUS:
(Short, questioning sound)

WICK:
Good call, Platypus. Nothing makes my heart pound like senseless destruction…or skeeball.

PLATYPUS:
("I love skeeball.")

WICK:
First the Gulf…and then the World! Who knows? Maybe we'll build a spin-off miniature golf course on the Chesapeake Bay. Look at them putt…drive…so beautiful…

(singing) My golf course lies over the ocean…my golf course lies over the sea…

PLATYPUS:
(Clears throat)

WICK:
Er….right! So the Platypus put together this list of things to do. He's a desktop publishing machine! I'm more of a big picture guy, so it's up to you to make it all happen. The details of my deal with FAWM will be sent to you. Now get to work! Come on, Platypus…

PLATYPUS:
(Mumbles question)

WICK:
What!?

PLATYPUS:
(Reiterates part of the question)

WICK:
Oh, sure, Platypus. You can run the pro shop...

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