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The Golf of Mexico - Mission Script

SCENE 2

WICK:
So…sock it to me.

Great grasshopper's granddaughter! So…how many times could we fit, say, New Hampshire, in there?

PLATYPUS:
("Oh, about a-")

WICK:
I'm going to need a larger potato sack full of cash…

PLATYPUS:
("Uh huh.")

WICK:
Well, you've got to spend money to make money. Um, excellent work - exactly as my evil plans foresaw. Let's move on to Phase Two or as I like to call it, "The Plan

PLATYPUS:
("The Plan")

WICK:
Reloaded.

PLATYPUS:
("Reloaded").

WICK:
Lower the screen!

As you may know, golf played on large bodies of water has several drawbacks. For one, the ball sinks. For that matter, you stink…

PLATYPUS:
("Huh?")

WICK:
…er, I mean to say you sink.

PLATYPUS:
("Oh…")

WICK:
Our careful market research has shown wet golfers aren't return golfers. Often, they're eaten by giant killer squids, or worse, want their money back.

Oh, I love that squid…

PLATYPUS:
("Me too.")

WICK:
Little biddy squidy…my squidman…my squiddy buddy…

PLATYPUS:
("Ahem.")

WICK:
Er…yes. Fortunately, we've got a plan. I've got a line on a few options to float our golf course, and I'd like to see what you think.

PLATYPUS:
("OK".)

WICK:
Option One: I got a sweet deal on some kelp.

PLATYPUS:
("Kelp?)

WICK:
I don't know if this stuff even floats, but I can get us a few thousand truckloads. And I found a coupon in the Sunday paper, so it seemed worth checking out.

PLATYPUS:
("Whatever…")

WICK:
Option Two: Platypus here called in a few favors and lined up this top secret stuff called "Agent W." It turns into a floaty gunk when you put it on water…kind of like school food.

PLATYPUS:
("Yuck!")

WICK:
Finally, Option Three - my personal favorite. It's a little wacky, a little "outside the box," but, hey, that's my style. OK, brace yourself. You ready? Here it is:

PLATYPUS:
("Wood!")

WICK:
WOOD. Wood planks. Lots of them. And some rope to hold them together. Brilliant, heh? I - hey! Platypus! Get your flippers off my mahogany!

PLATYPUS:
(Grumbles)

WICK:
Mixed-up mammal…

PLATYPUS:
(Shrieks)

WICK:
You still here?! Go find me a good deal…

PLATYPUS:
(Arguing with WICK)

WICK:
I don't stomp around your burrow…

PLATYPUS:
("Yes, you do.")

WICK:
But that was a Super Bowl party, only once a year. You did invite me, Platypus.

PLATYPUS and WICK:
(Arguing)

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