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Drive-Through Deceit - Mission Script

SCENE 1

WICK
Ah. You're finally here. Platypus and I were just talking about the…difficulties… we've been having trying to take over the world.

PLATYPUS
(Murmurs)

WICK
Yes, trying to steal the world's most valuable pizza wasn't the best idea I've ever had. Oh, but that pizza…. Anchovies… sparkling like diamonds…

PLATYPUS
("Yumm.")

WICK
I still want that pizza, though. I know! I'll have it delivered.

PLATYPUS
("As if that would work.")

WICK
Alright, alright! It's true, it's true. We're the creamed corn of crime. But I'm not a doctor for nothing! I know what to do when I hit a problem I don't know how to solve.

PLATYPUS
(Agrees)

WICK
Find an easier one to work on!

PLATYPUS
("What?")

WICK
So it's time to take over the world in the easiest way possible! By making children do my bidding!

PLATYPUS
("Cool.")

WICK
Yes, Platypus, it is a stroke of genius… Lower the plan screen…

Behold: Yummy's! Just your average fast-food chain with a terrible dipping sauce selection.

PLATYPUS
(Murmurs disapprovingly)

WICK
That is, until I took over the company.

[Dissolve to Yummy's]

WICK
Yarrrr! Surrender now, me hearties, or you'll all walk the plank!

PLATYPUS
("Hardy har har!")

WORKER
Uh… would you like fries with our surrender, sir?

[Dissolve back to the Board Room]

WICK
Nobody expects pirates. Now then, Yummy's will be the perfect platform to control the children of the world, thanks to my newest invention. Oh… the pharaohs dreamed it…

PLATYPUS
("They really did.")

WICK
Leonardo da Vinci tried to build it but failed… PLATYPUS
("Da Vinci!")

WICK
Only now, with space-age technology and state-of-the-art industrial design, can it be fully constructed.

Brilliant, isn't it? I call it… the Yummy Meal.

PLATYPUS
("What?")

WICK
Yes, Platypus, it is true you came up with the name…

PLATYPUS
("That's right.")

WICK
And the box design…

PLATYPUS
("Uh hunh.")

WICK
But the most important part was my idea! Listen. Do you hear it?

PLATYPUS
("No.")

WICK
Do you?

PLATYPUS
("No!")

WICK
No, of course you don't. That's because it's a subminible… I mean to say submersible… oh, I mean to say subliminal message…

WICK'S SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE
Buy more cheeseburgers… floss before every meal… obey Dr. Wick…

Devious, in a dental kind of way, don't you think? All we have to do is put little devices in each Yummy Meal that play this message and then those kiddies will do anything we say.

PLATYPUS
(Agrees)

WICK
There's only one thing keeping me from total world domination. We have to make sure the bait -

PLATYPUS
(Corrects WICK)

WICK
I mean the toys - that come with the meals are good enough to hook those little rugrats. I came up with some ideas with Platypus…

PLATYPUS
("They were all my idea.")

WICK
But you're going to have to do the actual design. I'm sure you're smart enough to come up with three possible meals.

PLATYPUS
("Even I could do a better job.")

WICK
But keep an eye on how much these things will cost me to make! Buying Yummy's already took a big chunk of change out of my potato sack of money.

Platypus, as usual, has come up with a to-do list for you…

PLATYPUS
("Uh, huh!")

WICK
So let's try not to have a repeat of the pizza incident, hmm?

PLATYPUS
(Grumbles)

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