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Drive-Through Deceit - Mission Script

SCENE 4

WICK
Alright, Part Two… and this is the really brilliant part. Ten times better. It really ought to be called Part Fantastic because it's so utterly incredible. Even for me.

PLATYPUS
("Alright.")

WICK
Live entertainment. If we don't get the parents with the coupons, we'll get the kiddies with a little razzle-dazzle.

PLATYPUS
("Razzle-dazzle?")

WICK
The only problem is that there wasn't much money left over after we started building those Yummy Meals, so the budget's a …um…little limited.

PLATYPUS
("We actually have two dollars left.")

WICK
Well, I'm sure there's at least one good act out of these. Platypus and I…and Goon #34 over there… are going to be the judges. Bring in the noise!

PLATYPUS
("Bring in the funk!")

[Kazoos playing]

WICK
Ugh… El Terrible.

PLATYPUS
(Murmurs)

CROC GUY
Crikey! These ones got teeth!

WICK
Fantastic.

PLATYPUS
("He was really good. Yeah. Um hum.")

COMEDIAN
Okay… knock, knock.
   Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
   Interrupting cow who?
(chuckles)
   What?
Oh, uh, "moo."
   What?
Moo! Okay, try it again...
   Knock, knock?
No! I, uh, who's there… uh…who's there?
   I don't know…

WICK
Smokin'!

PLATYPUS
(Murmurs)

GOBBLER
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will eat one thousand peaches in one hour!

WICK
Intriguing, but revolting.

PLATYPUS
("Yuck.") GOON
Oh, I like peaches.

WICK
Oh, that's it? Hunh. Guess the budget was tighter than I thought. Anyway, what was with all the ribbons, Platypus?

PLATYPUS
("It's the Danish system.")

WICK
Danish system??! What kind of a rating system is that?

PLATYPUS
(Starts to explain)

WICK
Uh huh, blue is the best…

PLATYPUS
(Continues explanation)

WICK
Red is okay…

PLATYPUS
(Finishes explanation)

WICK
And white is the worst? That's the most illogical system I've ever heard of! You should've rated them from 0 to 10, like I did. Whew. Counting up our scores is going to be way too difficult, and you know what I say about problems I don't know how to solve?

PLATYPUS
("Find a different one?")

WICK
No - get someone else to do it for you! Oh Wickster, you zinged 'em again! Oh yeah, and my score should count double!

PLATYPUS
("What?")

WICK
Because I'm the manager and you're just the fry cook, Platypus!

PLATYPUS
("What?")

WICK
Any more back-talk out of you, and I'll bust you down to grease trap duty!

PLATYPUS
(Grumbling)

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